Precious one - this raises a great deal of bells, whistles and red flags for me. A man who follows Christ with his whole heart knows to put others ahead of himself - and would be constantly thinking of others first, in such an arena.
His reaction to finding out you felt slighted would be to appologise and correct his error - the reaction you describe is very akin to someone suffering from Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Narcissists are devoid of empathy, dear one.
Precious - I DO believe God can change anyone who seeks HIM fully of their OWN accord - but NOT that any one can change anyone else.
I grew up in an abusive home with a Narcissistic father who God finally got a hold of at the age of 60. I promise you from personal experience - after DECADES - you could do EVERYTHING ';right'; and a narcissist will NEVER trust you nor respect you.
You are NOT this man's wife. You are the Bride of Jesus Christ.
10 months is NOT a life time. You NEED to walk away. (Granted, a Narcissist will treat you like dirt and then crawl on hands and knees to get you back only to treat you like even worse dirt when you return.)
You say you have nothing to lose - but clearly you do. You have your self esteem to lose... your self respect, the respect of others and your peace of mind, personal freedom, etc., etc., etc.
His style reminds me of the ';Penitent Narcissist'; style. Please research it on the web.
A Christian man would exhibit the fruits of the Holy Spirit:
Galatians 5:22-23 But the Spirit produces love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, humility, and self-control. There is no law against such things as these.
1st Corinthians 13:4-8a Love is kind and patient, never jealous, boastful, proud, or rude. Love isn't selfish or quick tempered. It doesn't keep a record of wrongs that others do. Love rejoices in the truth, but not in evil. Love is always supportive, loyal, hopeful, and trusting. Love never fails!
Meanwhile - remember WHO you are in Jesus Christ!
Isaiah 54:1,4-5 Shout for joy, O barren woman, you who have borne no child; break forth into joyful singing, and cry aloud, you that did not travail with child: for more are the children of the desolate than the children of the married wife, saith the LORD.
Fear not; for you will not be put to shame: neither feel humiliated; for you will not be disgraced: for you will forget the shame of your youth, and the reproach of your widowhood you will remember no more. For your husband is your Maker; the LORD of hosts is His name: and the Holy One of Israel is thy redeemer; Who is called the God of the whole earth.
1st Corinthians 3:16-17 All of you surely know that you are God's temple and that his Spirit lives in you. Together you are God's holy temple, and God will destroy anyone who destroys his temple.
1st Corinthians 6:19-20 You surely know that your body is a temple where the Holy Spirit lives. The Spirit is in you and is a gift from God. You are no longer your own. God paid a great price for you. So use your body to honor God.
2nd Corinthians 11:2 I am as concerned about you as God is. You were like a chaste bride I had chosen only for Christ.
Please - pursue GOD first in your life dear one - and He will give you the desires of your heart. Extricate yourself from this unhealthy relationship. ...Frankly, hon - if you have ANY abuse experiences in your past - AND you check out the NPD references... and find that you ARE dealing with a Narcissist... RUN, do not walk away from this guy. Narcissists seak out and target people with abusive backgrounds. It's like they can see us coming! Protect yourself.
Remember - God first.
Psalm 37:4-11 Seek your happiness in the LORD, and he will give you your heart's desire. Give yourself to the LORD; trust in him, and he will help you; he will make your righteousness shine like the noonday sun. Be patient and wait for the LORD to act; don't be worried about those who prosper or those who succeed in their evil plans. Don't give in to worry or anger; it only leads to trouble. Those who trust in the LORD will possess the land, but the wicked will be driven out. Soon the wicked will disappear; you may look for them, but you won't find them; but the humble will possess the land and enjoy prosperity and peace.
Matthew 6:33-34 But seek ye first his kingdom, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you. Be not therefore anxious for the morrow: for the morrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof.
Please, dear one. Be safe. May God bless your heart today.
Peace.Christian dating advice...Am I overacting or giving up too easy?
Love is not merely feelings or emotions. Feelings and emotions can be up or down. Love is a decision. You have to decide to love someone and act accordingly.
Don't overreact. Let him know it is common etiquette to always introduce new people when meeting them with a guest. It sounds like his actions are coming from something else. Probably much deeper than just this thing.
dear, he raised the red flag when he failed to introduce you.
He's not worth your time.
Here is the deal: Whether you are friends, married, or just related...it is always polite and respectful to introduce people you know to each other. It is called manners.
Either he has crappy manners and you should kick him to the curb and get a real man.
OR
He is just being completely disrespectful to you and you should kick him to the curb.
OR
He is playing games and you are headed to a Jerry Springer episode where you are gonna get your hair pulled.
Find a nice boy/man who doesn't play infantile games like that. Or that at least has respect and manners.
I believe God intends for each of us to have someone who truly loves us. That means respecting you completely. He should have introduced you to his friends. There is no excuse for that. If he loved you and respected you, he would cherish you and want others to know about you. You have told him it hurts you and he completely disregards that as you know. He is either too imature to bother with or he does not respect your feelings at all, which again is not worth your pain. Get hindrances (like him) out of your life and let God bring you much better!
Been there done that...
He is or was embarrassed about not introducing you after you called him on it. He forgot...literally forgot that introducing you is his job. I know...i did that so many times...
He is using reverse psych to get you to drop it. And he is emotionally insecure about being with you. He (like me) is not what he appears to be...white washed....he does want to be with you. But he hasn't gotten to the place where he can remove self from the situations of his life. He may say he's devoted to the lord, but there are things that are keeping his heart burdened, and he is deceiving himself.
All...this and more.
You need to look closely at what you see in him, and listen to the lords voice. Don't make this situation permanent until you are sure.
AS far as all that kick him to the curb stuff... That's your call but a thoughtful heart will find a better way. If you care for him,
You'll know whats right for you. Respect is a word given to much authority now days.
he is stringing you along IMO-
I don't see what this has to do with christian dating.
NOT introducing your significant other TO his friends AS his significant other means you are not significant enough for him to introduce you as such.
if he really loved you he would have introduced you to these friends.
the fact that he discounted your feelings later adds to it, especialy because the real indicator that he doesn't respect you or didn't want to introduce you to his FEMALE friends is because he doesn't want them to think you are serious or even dating at all.
actions speak louder than words- his actions say ';you are not important enough to me to introduce you to my friends'; or ';I dont' want them to think you are serious because I want to screw one of them'; do these words sound like ';I love you'; to you?
no, he lied, cut your losses and learn from it.
it is hard but better than waking up 3 months, 6 months a year, etc. from now and realizing you wasted all that time on someone who doesn't take you seriously.
Not a Christian. However, this is an easy one. Simple manners require that you introduce people you are with to people you know who you meet. Doubly so if you are in a relationship with that person. Don't freak out about it, but say to him that, if he takes your relationship seriously, he needs to be considerate of your feelings, and also not to treat you as some object he keeps to himself. In any relationship you need friends that aren't friends of your significant other, but that doesn't mean hiding friendships and acquaintances. If he can't respect that, you need to find another man, cuz this dude is probably well on the way to cheating on you. Good luck.
I'm not a Christian, but I think I can understand your situation.
There are several possible explanations for his behavior, none of them good. But way way more important than the whole non-introduction incident is what happened the next day:
';The next day I told him I felt hurt and disrespected by his lack of manners. He flipped dismissed my feelings, called me insecure %26amp; jealous. He doesn鈥檛 feel he has to introduce me to his friends, and if this same situation happened again, he still wouldn鈥檛 introduce us. ';
Whether or not the non-introduction incident was OK, or forgiveable, or bad, or nefarious, or whatever, his response to your expression of how it made you feel is completely unacceptable.
Unless you were saying something totally outrageous, such as ';it hurts my feelings when you breathe,'; he should value and care about your feelings for their own sake -- EVEN if he doesn't think it's the greatest reason to be upset. This doesn't mean he always has to stop what he's doing -- for example, if there's a good reason to do it* then maybe maybe maybe on balance you should suck it up and not complain** -- but it does mean that he needs to value the very fact that you are hurt, and he should care about it, and he should think that your pain is something that he has a responsibility to fix -- in fact, that should be (if you're getting very serious with him) his life's mission.
Here is what I consider a scenario equivalent to what he has done: He's leaning his arm on you casually and you say ';that hurts.'; Does he say, ';you're oversensitive, you easily-bruised loser, I'm not leaning very hard and that shouldn't hurt'; and then keep leaning on you, or does he say ';oops, sorry, I didn't mean to hurt you'; and stop leaning on you immediately. Apparently, in this case he chose the former option. It's doubly bad that he did this in the context of behavior that is muchmuch worse than casually and accidentally hurting someone by leaning on them too hard. He behaved badly, and then tried to make YOU feel guilty for HIS bad behavior.
You have to make your own decision about what to do. I hope you consider these issues.
*Of course, in this case there is not any good reason for him to have behaved this way at the event. His behavior in not introducing you was crappy -- it indicated at best disrespect (which he confirmed with his response the next day) and at worst it indicated that he wants to keep his options open with these ladies. He should acknowledge that he behaved badly and he should not do it any more.
**NOT THE CASE HERE.
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Edit: As I said, I'm not a Christian, but I think Depoetic gave a great answer. I can't speak to the theology (and obviously I would ascribe things to different underlying causes than she does), but regarding just her own words and thoughts and advice, I think she's spot-on and insightful.
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Edit: I think I must have missed this line the first time I read through your question:
';He is accusing me of not loving him since I am willing to give up so easily. ';
WHAT !!??! He's saying you need to prove your love to him by allowing him to beat you up (emotionally -- for now)!!!
Not, ';Golly, I need to stop hurting you,'; but instead, ';You're bad because you want me to stop hurting you. I plan to continue hurting you, and I demand that you prove your love by continuing to thank me for hurting you.';
This is a pathology that appears time and time again in abusive relationships. It will only get worse. I won't try to match Christian quotes with Depoetic, but I am certain that there is nothing in Christian doctrine that says you need to stay with a poisonous boyfriend.
Don't think of it as giving up on him. Instead, think of it this way: by staying with him, you are telling him that this ungodly behavior is OK. By staying with him you are putting a stumbling block before the blind, as you are giving him the opportunity and excuse to continue behaving badly. Only by firmly and finally leaving him -- with NO second chances -- can you send him a clear message that he needs to mend his ways. He will be a better person for it, and so will you.
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