I'm 31 years old and a single mom to a little boy. I've been single for over a year and a half now ever since my sons father left me and is dating a 20 year old. I'm feeling lonely and sexually frustrated now. I'm interested in dating someone who's recently asked me to coffee but I know that scriptually it would be wrong for me to date someone and then have sex with them without being married. I'm wondering how realistic this is considering my age and the fact that I'm already a mother. I want to be obedient to God and follow the right path but I'm feeling lonely and companionship would be nice. This man is an old friend. The divorced father of 2 children. He's not a Christian. He's agnostic.
I'm envious of and depressed by my ex who has long-since moved on and is on his third young chick, in a relationship now. I'm starting to feel like time is running out for me. What if I want more children?
Am I doomed to be celebate just because my ex left me and now I have to date and not have sex? Advice???Single mom, Christian. Dating. Not sure if scripture is realistic and I'm feeling frustrated. Christian advice?
Wow. This is a pretty rough neighborhood to be admitting such vulnerability. The FIRST thing you need to know is that yes, scripture is realistic, and God knows your frustration. You are not ';doomed'; to anything.
Things may seem pretty satisfying from your ex's perspective at the moment, but can't you see that he is just living for the moment and NOT doing what God wants? One detail left out of your story is whether or not your ';ex'; ever claimed to be Christian.
Don't think you're the only one who's ever been jilted like this; unfortunately, it's becoming the ';norm'; in our postmodern society.
Since I'm 51 and chronologically capable of being your father or an older brother, that's how I'm going to address you. If you have a desire to follow Christ, and it certainly sounds like you do, then you are wasting your time dating anyone who does NOT share your convictions. In fact, the Bible warns us NOT to be unequally yoked with unbelievers:
2Co 6:14 Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?
My advice to you is to seek the Lord with all your heart; God knows your heart's desires and will see to them. Here are a few scriptures for you; when the disciples saw that other men in the community had wives, vineyards, possessions, earthly blessings...They asked Jesus what was in store for them? This is Jesus reply:
Mat 6:33 But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.
This is because you're not over your ex:
Rom 12:19 Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves, but rather give place unto wrath: for it is written, Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord.
This is because you HAVE NO IDEA how happy God wants you to be:
Jer 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.
I have a very dear Christian friend who, several years ago, his wife left him for a millionaire...He still loved her, but she was gone...He got over his heartache and eventually remarried, very happily, a fine Christian woman. Years after his divorce, he got a phone call from his exwife. Her millionaire husband got cancer of the rectum, divorced HER and spent his final days with his mother; to whom he left everything.
He used this one conversation with her to witness to her. For it is written:
Rom 8:28 And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.
I doubt you can see this at this moment, and it's certainly OK to cry, but God has a better plan for you...This is on my mother's tombstone:
Heb 11:40 God having provided some better thing for us, that they without us should not be made perfect.
While you're at it, read the whole chapter of Hebrews 11 and get back to me.
Yours in Christ,
John the Baptist
PS Possibly, one of the reasons God allows us to go through hard times, is that once we're done dealing with that pain, and can see how God carries us through it, we are in a better position to understand others who have similar pain. I have been hurt in ways I'm not willing to post on a public forum.Single mom, Christian. Dating. Not sure if scripture is realistic and I'm feeling frustrated. Christian advice?
Call a nearby Catholic Priest, speak to him about your situation, He will guide you on the right path. God bless!
';But I say to you, any man who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, causes her to commit adultery, and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery.'; Matthew 5:32
First you need to forgive your husband and move on
Only date this other guy if you see him as a potential husband...you know from unfortunate expirience what it is like to marry someone who doesnt match up with him
But the fact that he isnt a Christian is an issue...not saying you can't marry him just saying that it will be much harder to raise your kids in hte Faith if your husband isnt supportive of you
Well, you kind of answered your own question. You said you were just looking for some companionship. That's basically just friendship; and in the Bible there is nothing that says, ';Thou shalt not be friends with people who aren't Christians.'; Christ encourages us to love and be friends with everyone, no matter their religious beliefs. So if you're looking for just a buddy for now, then yes, go for chilling for this guy for some coffee.
the reason why god doesnt want you to have sex when not married is because it's dangerous it could leave you in the ';sex buddy'; zone and you can end up w/a std also a relationship w/out god always fails.
Unfortunately as a Christian, you may not ever have sex again without risking eternal torment. Good luck with your celibacy!
Simple: If your god will deny you happiness for such a petty reason do you actually want to be worshipping him?
Besides didn't christ die so you could do this....
It's best to form a stable relationship first...
As expected you are being encouraged, by people on this forum and by satan, to sin to satisfy your flesh.
Matthew 6:33 But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added unto you.
Find you a good church with a singles group. Through this you can find friends and people to share your thought and feelings with that will encourage you. Who knows, your next husband could there wanting to find you!
Where would your ex spend eternity if he died tonight? Hell is an awful place. Sex between unmarried people is fornication and it is a sin.
This is a great question, and this is something that many people struggle with. The first thing that I would like to address is that God's word is realistic, and what He has commanded us to do, He has also enabled us to do it through Jesus Christ. We can't do it on our own strength, but as we trust in the Lord and submit to Him, we can walk out His will in our lives.
The first thing that I would say to do is to focus on the Lord, spend time with Him. When you are tempted take it to the Lord in prayer every time, read God's word, and put all of these things in the Lord's hands.
One of the reason's I say to read God's word is because as we spend time with the Lord and in His word, He corrects us, renews our mind, and builds our faith. If we can see sin the way that it truly is, it is not as appealing to us. Sin has a form of pleasure, but it doesn't last, and it always takes away. As you yield yourself to sin, you become sin's servant, and you are bound by it, and sin when it is finished works death. ( James 1:15 ) If you have accepted Jesus Christ, then He has made us free from sin, so that we don't have to obey sin anymore, but we can yield ourselves to obey the Lord. What God has commanded us to do He has also enabled us to obey Him through our Lord Jesus Christ, we have to choose to yield ourselves to Him, and to follow Him.
This is one of the precious promises from God, that I have stood on many times.
1 Corinthians 10:13 There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it.
Look at how this starts out. The temptations that we face are common, many people face these same temptations, but God is Faithful, and He will not allow us to be tempted above what we are able to bear; but He will with the temptation also make a way to escape, so that we will be able to bear it. This is a promise, to us that believe. Jesus Christ is the Way, and we have to seek Him, to surrender to Him and be obedient.
When we are tried, God has made the way for us to escape, we just have to look to Him, and obey. We can't do it on our own strength, but God has provided the way through Jesus Christ.
I would like to share some verses about fornication with you, it helps us to see what God's word has to say about this. Sometimes we try to wrestle things within ourselves and try to justify what we do, but we have to have an open heart to the Lord and allow Him to correct us when we are wrong. God corrects us because He loves us, and it is for our good if we will obey Him.
1 Corinthians 6:18 Flee fornication. Every sin that a man doeth is without the body; but he that committeth fornication sinneth against his own body.
19 What? know ye not that your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost which is in you, which ye have of God, and ye are not your own?
20 For ye are bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body, and in your spirit, which are God's.
If we belong to Christ, then we are not our own, we are bought with a price, God's word says for us to glorify God in our body and in our spirit which are God's. Our bodies were not made for fornication, but for the Lord ( 1 Corinthians 6:13 ) So should we take that which belongs to God and join it to something that is unholy, and yield ourselves to serve sin ?
Romans 6:11 Likewise reckon ye also yourselves to be dead indeed unto sin, but alive unto God through Jesus Christ our Lord.
12 Let not sin therefore reign in your mortal body, that ye should obey it in the lusts thereof.
13 Neither yield ye your members as instruments of unrighteousness unto sin: but yield yourselves unto God, as those that are alive from the dead, and your members as instruments of righteousness unto God.
We should submit even our bodies unto God as a living sacrifice:
Romans 12:1 I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that ye present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto God, which is your reasonable service.
2 And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.
God has called us to be holy, because He is Holy. Holy means to be set apart, consecrated to the Lord. ( 1 Peter 1:16 )
1 Thessalonians 4:2 For ye know what commandments we gave you by the Lord Jesus.
3 For this is the will of God, even your sanctification, that ye should abstain from fornication:
4 That every one of you should know how to possess his vessel in sanctification and honour;
Ephesians 5:3 But fornication, and all uncleanness, or covetousness, let it not be once named among you, as becometh saints;
4 Neither filthiness, nor foolish talking, nor jesting, which are not convenient: but rather giving of thanks.
5 For this ye know, that no whoremonger, nor unclean person, nor covetous man, who is an idolater, hath any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and of God.
Galatians 5:16 This I say then, Walk in the Spirit, and ye shall not fulfil the lust of the flesh.
17 For the flesh lusteth against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh: and these are contrary the one to the other: so that ye cannot do the things that ye would.
18 But if ye be led of the Spirit, ye are not under the law.
19 Now the works of the flesh are manifest, which are these; Adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lasciviousness,
20 Idolatry, witchcraft, hatred, variance, emulations, wrath, strife, seditions, heresies,
21 Envyings, murders, drunkenness, revellings, and such like: of the which I tell you before, as I have also told you in time past, that they which do such things shall not inherit the kingdom of God.
22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith,
23 Meekness, temperance: against such there is no law.
24 And they that are Christ's have crucified the flesh with the affections and lusts.
25 If we live in the Spirit, let us also walk in the Spirit.
Notice that God's word says that if we walk in the Spirit we won't fulfill the lust of the flesh, so let us keep our focus on the Lord, surrendering to Him, and being obedient to His voice. I appreciate you asking this question, my hearts desire is that everyone will obey the Lord.
God has made the way for us to be forgiven through Jesus Christ, and He has also enabled us to obey Him, though Jesus Christ our Lord, so that we are without excuse. I hope that all that reads this choose life in Jesus Christ.
Romans 10:9 That if thou shalt confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus, and shalt believe in thine heart that God hath raised him from the dead, thou shalt be saved.
10 For with the heart man believeth unto righteousness; and with the mouth confession is made unto salvation.
11 For the scripture saith, Whosoever believeth on him shall not be ashamed.
with much love and sincerity in Christ,
andrew
Look, I'm not Christian and I'm certainly not old enough to know or understand quite how you feel but this has always brought me comfort and I hope it does the same for you.
“No one saves us but ourselves. No one can and no one may. We ourselves must walk the path.”
Only believe what's in your heart. If you are honest and true to yourself I'm sure your god will understand. Happiness is only possible because he intended it to be. Should you waste his creation for the sake of the words of man?
Your emotions are telling you one thing, but the Bible is telling you something different. You have to trust in God and not get yoked with an unbeliever. Sin has a paycheck that you don't want to cash.
I know some women from church who are or have been in your situation. Some have a story of how they gave in to their feelings and got burned or worse yet got married to someone whom now they wish they had never met.
Others have a story of how they were able to persevere in faith and how even though there were tough times God was faithful to meet them at the point of their needs after they had gone through a period of testing.
If I were you I would get involved with a women's group at church where you can share your intimate feelings with other Christian women, get support and prayer from them, and who but God knows, maybe meet a godly Christian man that one of them knows who is looking for a Christian wife.
It sounds like your ex is on the broadway to destruction. You don't want to join him on that path to enjoy the passing and deceitful pleasures of sin for a short season.
1. you are not over your ex
2. you are not ready to date
3. you should seek healing from the Lord
4. the male friend who is agnostic is a red flag!
my advice to you is to allow God to woo you, and the sexually frustration that you are having is normal we all go through that, but you can over come it get into the word and read what the word says about temptation! If you fall and have sex, this allows the enemy to come in strong and the temptation gets stronger, hold on the God's unchanging hand!
I'm not christian but I'd like to answer... I expect plenty of thumbs-down but anyway.
I understand you may not want to have sex without being married. You mentioned being frustrated... what about masturbation? Or is that not an option for you either? (I date, and don't have sex; I don't feel doomed... just takes some willpower I guess.)
I personally think you have to do what makes you happy and what feels right. I think if you want to have sex you should. Of course like I said I'm not christian... but I used to be. This is something you will have to figure out on your own, probably between you and your god. For example, you may be comfortable having sex in a long-term, committed relationship.
Don't assume that at your age you won't be able to find a man that has the same ideals as you (as far as no sex w/o marriage, etc.)
And also please don't feel like you are ';running out of time'; for anything... it will just make you feel bad, plus it might cause you to make hasty decisions. Try to let things happen naturally and accept them.
I think you should go out with the guy, he sounds nice... if you can be open-minded about him being agnostic, which it sounds like you are. Nothing wrong with companionship/friends.
I am not sure but you may still be stuck on your ex somewhat, which would be understandable. Finding hobbies etc. will help with that, companionship with another person may not necessarily help.
edit: I don't think my advice is all that bad; of course I am getting thumbs-down because I didn't say, ';Pray to god about it';... I accept the fact that you believe in a god, not sure why that isn't enough for some people.
Here is one way to look at it, as there are several, but all lead to the same answer, which, in your heart, you already know, but your looking for a cop out!!!
You need to get into The Word! Make Jesus your friend, and lover. He is the one that will never leave, or forsake you! Put your trust in Him, He KNOWS what your going through, this is just a test to see if you would really obey, so God can give you the excellent one.
Part of your issue is by your own writing. Your envious? Where does that fit into forgiveness? God hates divorce, why is he on #3? He can't find what you had, and gave him. Your not doomed, your just not looking at this from Gods' perspective. Oh, poor , pitiful me!!! The reason he does what he's doing, is because your moping around. You can, and need to get on with your life, but you don't need another man in your life til your right with Christ. Bottom line. Agnostic, why not just lay down in front of a Mack truck? stop paying attention to the ex, and Read, and study your ';human'; owners manuel. There is no question you can ask, that the answer is not there. Pray, pray blessings on your ex, forgive him, and you have to mean it from the heart, if it's not, God WILL know! Then just wait on The Lord. Patience is a virtue, young one. Been there done that. Wait upon The Lord!
No one said the Christian life was easy. Jesus did say that if you turn to Him He will alleviate your loneliness and He will give you the strength and understanding to wait for sex till marriage. All God's commands are ultimately for our good and when we don't follow them we suffer much worse. Dating an agnostic is not a good idea. That's against God's instructions to not be unequally yoked. I would put dating on the back burner and work on your relationship with Jesus Christ.
My advice is to control your sex drive by masturbating until you find another suitable partner. Sex will only keep men from committing to you and will lead to them dumping you if you stop giving it to them. The only way for a woman to test a mans true love for them is to be celibate with them until they ask you to marry them and actually go through with it. If you do decide to have sex with every man you date don't blame God for all the heartaches to follow.
Pearl,
I too am a single mom, and I am 35, five year old daughter and never been married. I have been single now for 3 years and I also am wanting to be obedient to God, but casual sex is not fulfilling and can actually make you feel more alone and confused... I say this because I have done this, and brought home a man I never should have let in my house, and afterwards I felt a bit dirty and ashamed. WHy? well because when we decide that God is who we want to follow and God is who matters the most we begin to see sin for sin...you know what i mean? before we were blind, and something that was okay then and accepted by society as okay is brought into the light where we see it now for what it truly is...
I hope you stay strong, and remember God has someone special just for you that he is preparing you for and though it's tough and lonely be patient because your reward will be great..
That's what i believe. Good luck
how happy can you be if you give in and then it doesn't work out with this guy?
if you are saved and a christian ask God for help and strength,
just because your ex is running through a lot of women doesn't mean that he is doing well.
I can't tell you anything other than the truth and that is God made the rules for a reason,
it's up to you to follow them.
there is someone for you if you just wait on God to lead you to him.
I had to tell my daughters when they were younger that if a guy leaves because you wont have sex then he wasn't worth your time in the first place because obviously he only looked at you for one thing,
don't you want a deeper relationship than that?
You may not have sex ever again unless you want to burn in eternal hell.
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